At Sea (Or, A Touch of Cabin Fever)

(Bob:) Some of the regular readers of this blog have been saying, “Bob, that’s terrible.” So screw you.

I’m writing for the readers of our blog who have asked, “Doesn’t it get terribly boring at sea? Don’t you begin to get cabin fever and go a little crazy, repeating yourself at times?”

“Doesn’t it get terribly boring at sea? Don’t you begin to get cabin fever and go a little crazy, repeating yourself at times?”

“Doesn’t it get terribly boring at sea? Don’t you begin to get cabin fever and go a little cra… Whoa, sorry, I spaced out a little there.

No, silly readers, of course not. I’m well-adjusted to the routine and it doesn’t bother me a bit.

WHOA! IT’S THE END OF MARCH AND I HAVEN’T SEEN A SINGLE BASKETBALL GAME. THIS IS TORTURE! OH, THE HUMANITY! IN FACT I HAVEN’T WATCHED A SINGLE SPORTING EVENT (OTHER THAN A BLURRED VERSION OF THE SUPER BOWL) SINCE MID-JANUARY!

But, of course, there’s plenty of other things to do. I can go to college courses and watch know-nothing students gossip and play solitaire on their computers during class time so they’ll become know-nothing adults. Party on, Wayne. Party on, Garth. That makes you encouraged about the future.

Or I can go to the meeting every other day of our “Lifelong Learner” (old coots) group, and hear the following conversation: “Now you all may want to go to the special performance tonight in the student union at 8.” At which time, somebody will pipe up and say, “ Where and when is that performance? I don’t know anything about it.” At which point I want to say, “READ THE PAPER RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, YOU DIMWIT. IT’S IN THE FIRST PARAGRAPH. HOW DID YOU GET TO BE 186 YEARS OLD WITHOUT KNOWING HOW TO READ?” But Luana always stops me from doing that. So then we follow that up with questions about whether anti-malarial medicines cause gas and similar topics. Believe me, you don’t want to hear my answer to that.

NO SPORTING EVENTS SINCE JANUARY. OUR IN-ROOM TV HAS 6 CHANNELS, BUT NO ESPN. I CAN’T TAKE IT!

Of course, there’s always reading. I think I’ve read 186 books since leaving the mainland U.S., including all 940 pages of Don Quixote three times. Can you imagine someone so insane he rides around Spain trying to do good deeds to win the heart of Dulcinea del Taboso. And all the time she is in our 6th floor dining room, held captive by a dragon and a minotaur. I have a plan to get her out that involves bringing a horse and some lances on board. Stay tuned.

Anyway, as you can see --NO SPORTS ANYWHERE! NO SPORTS! WHY, I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT PRISON THE OREGON FOOTBALL PLAYERS ARE GOING TO -- I’m perfectly well-adjusted to shipboard life.

Other than the food. Now I know it’s wrong to complain about food when we visit so many places where people don’t have enough to eat, but the cooks onboard hate me. They have this conspiracy that has made everything taste the same -- it all tastes like plain pasta -- salads, meat, pancakes, everything. I think that cockroach I killed in India might be the ancestor of one of the cooks. And the cockroach was a better cook. NO SPORTS!

So, now that I’m feeling better I’m going to get in my car and drive down to the local bowling alley, roll a few games and then go to Red Robin for a Banzai Burger and unlimited fries. UNLIMITED FRIES!!!!

Oh wait, Luana wants me to go to bed after taking my meds. I keep forgetting to do that on ship. There’s so much to do.

(Note from Luana: We arrive in South Africa momentarily. I promise I'll get him out for air.)